Sharing this deeply personal story is challenging, but if it can help anyone in a similar situation, it’s worth putting my experience out there. Almost no one besides my girlfriend knows about this journey I’ve been on, but I believe that if my story can prevent someone from going down the same path, it’s worth telling.
A few years back, I was prescribed Adderall for my ADHD. For those who aren’t familiar, Adderall is essentially low-dose meth, and it was initially meant to help me with focus and productivity. But I soon discovered its recreational potential. It became a crutch during my late-night gaming sessions, making everything more fun and helping me excel at games.
I’d reserve one night a week for my Adderall-fueled gaming binges, thinking I could make up for it in the following days. I remember a pivotal moment when I played Starcraft, a game I’d dabbled in casually. But on Adderall, I felt an unprecedented hunger to win. It led me down a dangerous path.
I’d come home from work or school, pop an Adderall, and immerse myself in the game until the early hours of the morning. My heart would race, and I’d be so engrossed that I wouldn’t even get up to use the bathroom. That’s when I developed a UTI, a painful reminder of how far I’d sunk.
On days when I wasn’t on Adderall, I’d spend my time watching every piece of Starcraft content I could find, from Day to GSL. In just six months, I went from being a Bronze player to a Grand Master. I could go through a month’s supply of Adderall in a matter of days, but I always managed to secure more.
This was the lowest point in my life. I neglected my classes and ended up failing several of my last semester courses. My job performance suffered, and I missed out on a well-deserved pay raise. I constantly had bags under my eyes, and Adderall wasn’t just a way to enhance my gaming anymore; it was the only thing that allowed me to function.
During the day, I’d take lower doses to stay functional, and at night, I’d indulge in massive doses to lose myself in the world of Starcraft. It became an escape and a source of achievement. In retrospect, I realized I could have continued on this path until my health deteriorated, or worse.
One fateful night, everything came crashing down. It had nothing to do with Starcraft, but it marked a turning point. It was a night filled with reckless gambling, alcohol poisoning, and profound moments of reflection. My girlfriend, the anchor in my life, stood by me with unwavering love and support.
That night, I had an epiphany—I needed to get sober. I also came to understand that I associated playing Starcraft with the need for drugs. I tried playing the game sober, but it felt like I’d lost my edge. I played a few games without Adderall and almost gave up for an entire season. I believed I needed drugs to excel, and without them, I couldn’t perform in Platinum league.
That realization came in June, and I didn’t return to active play until October. I had to confront the fact that I didn’t know how to play Starcraft without drugs. My APM dropped significantly, and I accepted that I might not be as fast as I once was. But I became a wiser player, relying on strategy and decision-making rather than raw speed.
I fell from Platinum to Bronze, and surprisingly, I was okay with it. I embraced the process of relearning the game without the crutch of Adderall. As I climbed through the ranks, I knew that sobriety was more important than MMR. I sometimes tell myself it’s MMR decay, but deep down, I understand that it’s my commitment to staying clean that truly matters.
My journey taught me that shortcuts in life often lead to consequences. I hope that my story can reach someone who might be struggling and remind them that there is hope and support available. My experience is proof that with determination and resilience, it’s possible to overcome addiction, reclaim one’s life, and find joy in healthier pursuits.
In order to protect the privacy and identities of the individuals involved, all real names within the narratives have been changed. We take the confidentiality and anonymity of those featured in our stories seriously, and this is a standard practice we adhere to.